Living with a cat means accepting that you’re no longer the boss of your own house. Your feline overlord has established an intricate set of unspoken rules that you’re expected to follow without question. These aren’t just cute quirks, they’re legitimate demands that your cat considers non-negotiable.
From the moment you adopted your furry friend, you unknowingly signed an invisible contract written entirely in cat logic. Cats like what they like and don’t like what they don’t like, and they expect you to not only know this but to cater to their likes and dislikes without ever having to voice them aloud. Let’s dive into the ten most important commandments your cat has silently imposed on your household.
Rule #1: Never Disturb Sacred Nap Time
Your cat has designated approximately 12-16 hours of each day as sacred sleeping time, and disturbing this ritual is considered the highest form of blasphemy. Cat naps are sacred and they do not want to be disturbed. Whether they’re loafing on the sofa, curled up in that one specific sunbeam, or sprawled across your keyboard when you’re trying to work, you must respect their slumber.
It is tempting, though. A cat sleeping is the kind of cute that begs for cuddles. Resist the urge. Your cat has strategically chosen their napping locations to maximize both comfort and inconvenience to you. That pile of freshly folded laundry? Perfect cat bed. Your laptop during an important video call? Even better.
Rule #2: The Litter Box Must Meet Royal Standards
If your cat isn’t comfortable with her litter box or can’t easily access it, she probably won’t use it. Your feline dictator expects their bathroom facilities to be maintained to five-star hotel standards at all times. This means daily scooping, weekly complete changes, and the perfect ratio of litter depth that only they know.
You haven’t provided enough litter boxes for your household. Be sure to have a litter box for each of your cats, as well as one extra. The mathematical formula is simple: one box per cat, plus one spare, because apparently cats need backup bathrooms just like human celebrities. The location must also be private yet accessible, quiet yet not too secluded. It’s basically feng shui, but for cat toilets.
Rule #3: You Must Acknowledge Every Meow
Cats mostly meow for humans. They sometimes meow at one another, but rarely and mostly as kittens. When they meow, they’re communicating with us in some way, even if we don’t understand what they’re “saying.” Your cat expects you to respond to every single vocalization, from the demanding breakfast meow to the mysterious 3 AM yowl that seems to serve no purpose other than checking if you’re still alive.
Acknowledging their meows tells your cat that you heard them, even if you didn’t understand them. This rule requires you to develop an extensive vocabulary of appropriate responses, ranging from “Yes, I know you’re hungry” to “No, it’s not time for breakfast at 4 AM” to the classic “What do you want now?”
Rule #4: All Vertical Surfaces Belong to Them
Cats also access vertical spaces (ie, surfaces raised off the ground, such as countertops) for exploration and a sense of safety. Your kitchen counters, bookshelves, and refrigerator top are not your possessions but rather your cat’s personal jungle gym and observation deck. They need these elevated positions to survey their kingdom and judge your life choices from above.
Every vertical surface in your home serves a specific purpose in your cat’s daily routine. The top of the refrigerator is the ultimate throne room, while your dresser provides the perfect vantage point for supervising your morning routine. Cats feel safer when they are higher up. Try placing a high vantage point inside the house. For example, a tall cat scratcher with a platform on top will allow your cat to view the potential intruder from high up, from the inside.
Rule #5: Scratching Posts Are Merely Suggestions
Perhaps the most important reason cats scratch is to mark their territory (both visibly and with the scent of the foot pads). Some cats may increase their territorial marking (e.g., scratching, urine marking) in situations of anxiety or conflict. While you’ve thoughtfully provided multiple scratching posts throughout your home, your cat has decided that your expensive sofa makes a much better scratching surface.
If your cat scratches only new objects or furniture she may simply be marking unmarked territory. This will usually pass when she develops a sense of ownership of the new objects. Every new piece of furniture must be properly christened with claw marks before it can be considered part of the household. It’s like a housewarming gift, but destructive and expensive.
Rule #6: The Food Bowl Must Never Be Empty
Your cat operates under the assumption that an empty food bowl signals the end of civilization as they know it. Even if there’s still kibble visible at the bottom, if they can see the bowl through the food, it’s obviously time to panic and summon you with increasingly urgent meows.
Cats are free feeders, nibbling at will, but a meal schedule may reduce caterwauling. Try feeding your cat in the morning before you leave for work and again in the evening, around dinner time. Follow the evening play session with a late dinner, which will ensure they stay full overnight. The timing must be perfect, the portions must be precise, and heaven help you if you’re five minutes late with dinner.
Rule #7: Your Personal Space Is Actually Their Personal Space
Kitties love sitting silently in the same place with their people. “Cats are masters of presence,” the video says. Cats love quiet companionship, so if they’re sitting silently in the room with you, that’s a form of bonding. Your cat has claimed ownership of your favorite chair, your side of the bed, and that one spot on the couch where you like to watch Netflix.
When you’re working from home, your cat will inevitably position themselves directly between you and your computer screen, because apparently you need supervision. Your lap exists solely for their comfort, and any attempt to move will be met with the most judgmental stare in their extensive repertoire of disapproving looks.
Rule #8: All Doors Must Remain Open
They like to know they can get away, so always make sure they have an exit strategy. That might mean leaving a door cracked open or avoiding crowding them. Ironically, if a cat knows they can leave, they’re more likely to stay, so always give them a way to escape. Every single door in your house must be accessible to your cat at all times, even if they have no intention of actually going through it.
The bathroom door is particularly important because your cat needs to supervise your most private moments. It’s not enough that you’re trapped on the toilet, they also need to stare at you judgmentally while you’re at your most vulnerable. No one likes to be watched while using the loo, so why should a cat feel any different? Apparently, this rule only applies to cats, not humans.
Rule #9: They Decide When Petting Time Is Over
Most cats like affection, but petting a cat is different than petting a dog. Cats don’t usually enjoy heavy strokes or pets that run their whole body. Their favorite petting spots are usually their heads, cheeks, and under the chin. Your cat will demand attention and affection on their terms only, and the session will end precisely when they decide it’s over, not a second later.
Avoid their bellies unless you’ve really earned their trust, and even then a cat may or may not like their belly touched. One moment they’re purring and enjoying chin scratches, the next moment they’re swatting at your hand like you’ve committed a war crime. Reading their body language is essential, but they’ll change the rules whenever they feel like it just to keep you on your toes.
Rule #10: Your Schedule Must Revolve Around Theirs
Cats may seem like wild creatures in many ways, but they actually love routine. Too much change to their home environment and regular routine can stress them out, so things like the family going on vacation or getting new furniture can cause stress and anxiety. “Cats don’t see routine as boring; they see it as safe.”
Your cat expects you to maintain their schedule with military precision. Breakfast at 6 AM sharp, playtime at sunset, and bedtime snuggles at exactly 10 PM. Any deviation from this routine will result in passive-aggressive behavior, including but not limited to knocking things off your nightstand at 3 AM and pointedly ignoring you for the rest of the week.
Following these ten sacred rules will ensure a harmonious relationship with your feline overlord. Remember, you didn’t choose the cat life, the cat life chose you. The sooner you accept your role as their devoted servant, the happier you’ll both be.
What’s the most ridiculous rule your cat has established in your home? Let us know in the comments below!
