You probably think you know exactly what your cat wants. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that your feline friend is perfectly happy, that every interaction is meaningful, and that the bond you share is rock solid. Here’s the thing though: most people completely miss the subtle signs that reveal whether their cat genuinely enjoys being around them or simply tolerates their presence out of necessity.
Cats aren’t like dogs who wear their hearts on their furry sleeves. They communicate in whispers rather than shouts, through fleeting gestures that you might be overlooking every single day. If you’ve ever wondered whether your cat actually likes you or just sees you as the food dispenser, you’re not alone. Let’s dive into the real indicators that separate a truly bonded relationship from one that’s just going through the motions.
You’re Missing Those Slow Blinks
When your cat looks at you and blinks slowly, they’re telling you they trust and feel comfortable around you – it’s one of the ultimate signs of trust. During a slow blink, your cat is relaxing their guard and making themselves vulnerable, knowing they’re safe with you.
Think about it this way: in the wild, closing your eyes around a potential threat could be fatal. A slow blink signals that your cat feels secure and at ease in your presence. If you’re not receiving these gentle eye kisses, you might not have earned that deep level of trust yet. Research shows that cats will even approach strangers who slow blink at them, and it’s a great way to solidify your bond.
Your Cat Isn’t Following You Around
While cats may follow you for many reasons – from wanting food to anxiety – in many cases your cat simply enjoys your company and wants to be with you, especially if it’s not close to feeding time. If your cat consistently avoids being in the same room as you, that’s honestly a red flag.
When cats display an intense and consistent desire for your company, following you around the house or sitting near you, they’re showing deep attachment. Your cat should naturally gravitate toward your presence, not flee from it. Pay attention to whether they seek you out during quiet moments, because that reveals far more than their behavior during meal times ever could.
You’re Ignoring the Head Bumps
Head bunting is a very strong form of affection that’s usually reserved for members of a cat’s colony. Cats have scent glands on their heads, cheeks, and chin, and when they rub or head-bump you, it indicates trust and comfort toward you.
Here’s what you might not realize: this behavior isn’t just about affection. By marking you with their scent, cats create a “colony” with people and other animals they feel safe with, signaling you’re part of their inner circle and they may headbutt to feel secure or seek affection. If your cat never initiates this kind of contact, you should be asking yourself why they don’t consider you family yet.
The Tail Tells a Story You’re Not Reading
When cats are happy to see you, their tails are held high, often with a tiny curve at the very end. A curved tip is a friendly greeting and invitation to interact, while cats may wrap their tail around your hands, ankles, or arms as a gushy display of love.
Let’s be real: most people have no idea what their cat’s tail is actually saying. Studies show that roughly two thirds of owners misinterpret tail wagging as friendliness, when rapid side-to-side wags actually signal annoyance. If you’re constantly getting swatted or scratched, maybe it’s because you’re completely misreading their body language. The tail doesn’t lie.
You Don’t Understand Purring Context
Purring is a classic sign of contentment. Purring first starts as a form of communication and bonding between kittens and their mothers, and it’s also a common indicator of comfort and ease. However, here’s where you’re probably getting it wrong.
Cat purring can also indicate distress, illness, injury, or impending death – it’s suspected that by purring, cats communicate to others that they’re harmless or trick predators into thinking everything is fine. Context matters immensely. A cat purring on your lap while kneading is vastly different from one purring while hiding or at the vet. Are you paying enough attention to tell the difference?
Your Cat Never Kneads on You
When your cat kneads (aka “making biscuits”) on your lap, it’s a sign of enjoyment because it mimics feeding behavior in nursing kittens. Kneading is a memory from kittenhood when kittens stomp their paws on their mother’s teat area, and when kneading, the cat feels good and safe.
If your cat never does this with you, they might not feel that level of comfort and security in your presence. Almost all theories about why cats knead have to do with comfort and affection. It’s hard to say for sure, but a cat that refuses to knead around you probably hasn’t formed that deep, kitten-like bond that truly bonded cats develop with their humans.
They’re Not Grooming You
Just as mother cats groom their young, cats who are bonded with each other will often groom one another, showing comfort and familial acceptance. A cat would never groom another cat they didn’t see as family and would be unlikely to groom a strange human, but cats will groom their human family and often lick skin or hair.
That sandpaper tongue might be uncomfortable, but it’s actually a huge compliment. Cats groom each other to combine their individual scents and demonstrate trust, so when your cat grooms you, it’s definitely intended as a compliment. No grooming sessions happening? Your cat might not see you as part of their social group yet.
The Bonding Chemical Is Missing
Recent studies found that when owners engaged in relaxed petting, cuddling or cradling of their cats, both the owners’ and cats’ oxytocin tended to rise – if the interaction was not forced. Securely attached cats who initiated contact such as lap-sitting or nudging showed an oxytocin surge, and the more time they spent close to their humans, the greater the boost.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Avoidant cats who kept their distance showed no significant oxytocin change, while anxious cats had high oxytocin to begin with, but it dropped after a forced cuddle. If you’re constantly forcing interactions, you’re actually damaging your bond rather than strengthening it. Let your cat initiate contact, or you’ll never trigger that chemical bonding response.
You Don’t Recognize Their Sleeping Choices
Cats are most vulnerable when they sleep, so if they choose to sleep near you or right on top of you, it means they feel completely safe and secure in your presence. Sleeping, cuddling, and following you around are signs that a cat has formed a bond with you.
Pay attention to where your cat sleeps when they have the entire house to choose from. If they’re consistently choosing a closet far away from you rather than your bed, that tells you something important. They don’t feel that sense of safety and security around you. Honestly, that’s something you need to address if you want a deeper relationship with your feline companion.
The Vocalization Patterns Are Off
Adult cats typically only meow to communicate with people, as they often rely more on smell and body language when interacting with other kitties. Imprinted cats often exhibit a unique vocalization – a specific sound reserved for their chosen person, signaling their need for attention or companionship.
Does your cat have a special meow just for you? Or do they remain silent in your presence? Vocal expressions such as purrs, trills, chirps, and soft meows are great indicators of a happy cat – feline friends express their fondness using vocalizations like purring, meowing, and chirping. If your cat isn’t talking to you, they might not be as connected as you think.
Building Trust Takes More Effort Than You Think
Let’s be honest: you can’t force a cat to love you. Patience is the number one best practice for all relationships – bonding takes time and comes with setbacks, but time will smooth the way. Cats may reserve their oxytocin-releasing behavior for when they truly feel safe, and a cat’s trust isn’t automatic but must be earned – once given, it’s reinforced by the same chemical that bonds human parents, partners, and friends.
The real question isn’t whether your cat enjoys your company. The question is whether you’re doing enough to earn that enjoyment. When you understand cat body language and learn to read your cat’s posture and expression, you can create a calmer, happier home and strengthen that special bond between you. Stop making assumptions and start paying attention to what your cat is actually telling you through these subtle but powerful signals. Are you ready to be honest about where your relationship really stands?
